I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
