is your mom at the bar?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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