she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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