I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
