I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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