I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
