I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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