you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
