If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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