i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
where are my eyebrows?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
