I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
