Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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