I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
