why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
