His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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