I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
