he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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