I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
