So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
