Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
