i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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