i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
