No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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