dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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