You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
