he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
