I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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