he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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