The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
