watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
