The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
