whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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