i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
