so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
