I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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