I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
