I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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