I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
