I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
