For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
