does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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