And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
