Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
