what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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