She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
