I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
