I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
