Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
