Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
