I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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