people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
