What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
